It has been three weeks since graduation and I have officially freaked out about finding a job. I didn’t handle it very well. There was a lot of Netflix involved (like, 9 hours of Netflix. The Gilmore Girls theme song will haunt my dreams) and sitting on the floor in various poses to keep certain muscle groups from falling asleep while surrounded by half-unpacked boxes of Christmas gifts from over the holidays that I had sworn would be put away the day after I got back.
But at least it took three weeks to reach breaking point. I was able to relax for the first week, and the second and third weeks were so busy with meeting my boyfriend’s family and driving back and forth between his house and mine that I didn’t have time to freak out. But now I’m back in the apartment with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Nothing speeds a downward spiral faster than being stuck with your own thoughts. Plus – and this isn’t really a bad thing, in fact I’m grateful for the second chance to get my foot in the door – one of the marketing firms I applied for asked me to create a press release, a sell sheet or copy for an email blast, for which 2 out of 3 are complete mysteries to me. I want to be a copywriter so badly, but without any experience in marketing I’m terrified my writing and basic research skills won’t be enough, and I’ll lose out on a job because I’m not good enough.
Not good enough. Three little awful words. I graduated early, I’ve edited a book, I’ve designed a literary journal, I’ve been a project manager and social media writer and I’m confident in my creativity and adaptability. But what if that isn’t enough for what I want to do? What if, after all I’ve done and the steps I’ve taken, I’m still not good enough?